im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
