You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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