i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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