Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
40s are totally the cure
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
