She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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