he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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