she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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