dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
