New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
