I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
