i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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