Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
