my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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