her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
