I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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