I looked at my own cervix.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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