Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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