i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
