turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
