If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
