yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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