omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
