you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
