OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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