Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
