i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
