I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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