i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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