I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
