I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
