mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
