thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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