This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
