I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
