Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
