Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
