at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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