When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
love makes seman taste better
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
