We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this will be a night to untag.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
