I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
