I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
