During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
