She is in my trunk
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
