Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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