i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
