Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he shaved USA in his pubs
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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