i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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