I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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