The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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