wake up i wanna do it froggy style
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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