Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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